ea

who is she ? what is it about her that is so.... attractive?
why am i here... constantly thinking about her?
is it simply that i am insecure and therefore not at ease unless i'm speaking to her... unless i know that she's thinking about me...

yes... that definitely is at least part of the issue...
i'm an insecure lil boy.....

i need to drop that... it's not healty... it's also not very becoming...
she likes me.... i know it... even if i didn't she's told me.....
so therefore i need to take confidence both in that information... and in the fact that i know that God created me a wonderful person... and nobody's opinion can influence that fact or determine my worth....

hence i move forward....

this is becoming a beautiful development.... not because i'm getting what i wanted (heh heh heh) but because it's a growth between two people.. a developing interaction which began on one level and is progressing... with each individual gently feeling his/her way... gently nudging the comfort levels higher and higher...

with what purpose?

with the motivation of mutual attraction... one may surmise that this is a stepping stone to discovering what else may lie in wait for a relationship of this kind...

speaking for myself... it is with great anticipation that i seek to delve further into c.b. and deeper into the person that she is... that i may be for her that which she needs and truly deserves.... God willing.....

adultus extendo

this maturity thing is tough...

if then maturity is defined by our actions... then our maturity can then be related to our decision making ability....

our ability to make them in various circumstances...
and our ability to act upon the decision made....

regardless of the consequences.... the ability to make important decisions and following through with them....in accordance with our morals and values... can therefore be used as a metric to determine our level of maturity..

adultus

to reach manhood... to grow up... to become established... to grow strong... to reach your peak.... when exactly does that happen?
can that point be measured... identified?
is it ever attained?
maybe
depnds on what exactly we mean by reaching manhood... when can you describe one as being mature... what facets need to be examined?

mature... when referencing people can be defined as... fully developed in body or mind, as a person...

fully developed in body... well that's a matter of age correct?
at a certain age... you stop growing right... again maturity - the period of time in your life after your physical growth has stopped and you are fully developed... cool...

fully developed in mind... that's a bit harder... as much as one may claim to be developed in mind... how do we know to ourselves at which point we have reach our mental peak...?

if we are mature... then it goes without saying that we have the ability to handle the everyday activities...challenges... problems... that make life what it is... not only handle them.. but deal with them in a disciplined manner.... but if that's the definition of maturity then not very many of us are even close.. does that mean then that the criminals we see in society are immature...?
is taking that which does not belong to you a sign of immaturity...?
in spite of how complex and well structured the method?

~to be continued~

aut amentia aut conciliatio

i don't think i'm fooling anyone... but i did come back... from early retirement as it were for a reason... there was a purpose to my return.... yes... i neglected my committment to the search for truth.... but it's more than that... it's about me... duh... self-abosorbtion?
it's about infatuation...

kinda harsh description when i looked it up on the latin dictionary that i use... yes thanks very much... to "Words by William Whitaker" found on this Notre Dame website... (http://lysy2.archives.nd.edu/cgi-bin/words.exe)....
harsh!
... extreme folly... madness... stupidity... fenzy.. violent excitement...
i pray to God that i'm not suffering from infatuation...
(yes... with reference to a young lady - the fairer of our species)

but what if i am....
what are the symptoms...?
how can i tell for sure...?

let's try to work this one through... starting with what i do know...

the object of my...umm.. attention... the reason for my distraction.... is a young lady...
ok.... so we have the girl...
and we have me.... the guy...
we also have a relatively new friendship/relationship developing between the two...
previously to some sort of acknowledgment of an attraction to said girl...
there was a level of interaction that was limited to the arena of liming...
cool...
so there was interaction.... on liming level... (am i repeating myself unneccessarily?)
what does one do when liming with 'friends'? (be careful with that word... it's abused far too often)
you drink... you may party... you talk... you dedicate a certain amount of free time to these ppl...
so.... one would hope that it is time well spent... and i certainly have no regrets....
ok facts...

girl
guy
met relatively recently
lime together with other parties
lime good

what else do we know for sure?

girl is good looking... yes that's a fact too!!!
:)
umm....
i mean... there are a number of other attributes which i could describe which would refer to her intelligence... sense of humour... good nature.. quick wit.... wickedly broad smile... but are those facts?
technically speaking (according to dictionary.com) a fact is something that actually exists; reality; truth...i guess i could take a poll and say for sure that she does demonstrate said attributes... but all that aside.. i stray

so the girl has got it going on... fact :)

let's go again

girl
guy
met relatively recently
lime together with other parties
lime good
girl has got it going on

fact... i'm definitely more open (i.e. in my actions that evidently betray me) when sobriety levels drop....

how does that quote go...?

in vino, veritas...in wine, there is truth...

so then?

infatuation or genuine attraction?

what makes the difference...?

when in doubt back to basics...

infatuation:
a foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.
an object of extravagant, short-lived passion.

attraction:
a characteristic or quality that provides pleasure
...magnetic charm; fascination; allurement; enticement

great.... so i'm simply attracted to her... why?
because if infatuation is an unreasoning or extravagant passion... or attraction... and here i am reasoning it out... then it follows that there is reason... and thus this attraction is not unordered or extravagant....

so..............
now then....
do i like her because she is the source of my attraction...??
or am i attracted by her person... and have decided because of this that i like her...??
now i'm just trying to confuse myself...

she is attractive to me... because of her beauty and her personailty.... i have no choice but to be drawn to her... that which she represents.... this gift of life from God... and formed by His hand and her interactions with her family, friends and enemies over the years..... arouses in me that which i find it hard to step away from.... her beauty is the beauty of one that i would like to get to know intimately.....

procrastino

ha!
guess what that means.... even if you didn't know the meaning of the word procrastinate you could figure it out or come close enough just be examining the length of time that it has taken me to post since the week that i originally setup this blog...

terrible... not simply because i have neglected the task i committed myself to... but horrible because it is something we as humans easily become accustomed to and fall prey to...

why is it so easy... to put off for tomorrow what we could quite easily do today (sorry for the cliche)... why?
why is it so easy to convince ourselves that it would be better to leave that for tomorrow... and this for later.... and the next for when i feel like it...?

why is it so easy to remain idle?
why do we prefer to be idle?
are we afraid that we would have nothing to do tomorrow.... if we did all we could today?
do we feel that our time is our own... and we deserve to delay our responsibilities simply because i in charge....

why....?

is it simply because it is easy?
because yuh know...
we like to take it easy...
we like the easy way out....
we like the easy path... the one where everyone else going... because if everyone else going there i might as well too... right?

easy.... is it really easy being lazy?
does it really make out life easier....?
if it's a matter of work... if we leave everything for later... and deadlines catch up with us.... then we panting to complete everything in time... yet it's easier to leave it for tomorrow....

maybe we too frequently fail to examine the big picture... it's all about now...
all about the present...
all about me....

hence in that absorption with the present and with self... we fool ourselves into believing then that the best decision lies in whatever suits us at that particular moment... and in so doing isolating ourselves from all external parties and influences... leaving us in a bubble of the surreal... in a place that truly only exists in our minds....